Life in a Bind – BPD and me

Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and my therapy journey. Listed in Top Ten Resources for BPD in 2016 by goodtherapy.org. I write for welldoing.org and for Muse Magazine Australia, under the name Clara Bridges.

Friendships with Ex-patients: Why I Say “No”

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Although this post by Dr Stein was written last year, it feels like a logical conclusion to the series of posts I recently shared (both his, and my own), on the topic of feeling excluded from your therapist’s life, and the related question of whether a friendship between therapist and client would be possible. Even for clients who are persuaded (though painfully) by the reasons behind this ‘exclusion’, the question remains – why should a friendship be prohibited once a client becomes an ex-client? And if there are reasons for prohibiting it for a period of time, why should such a friendship not be permissible at a later point?

As with the reasons behind why therapists and clients would find it very difficult to maintain a ‘dual’ relationship, the reasons in this post are also very persuasive. I wish it were not so, because everything within me dreads and fears the day (hopefully far far in the future) when I will come to the end of my current therapeutic relationship. But I have been fortunate to have received an email from my ex-therapist, following a desperate plea from me for ongoing contact, that was kind and compassionate, and made the ‘no’ slightly easier to bear. I hope that if you too are in a similar position, the response that you receive is as honest but compassionate and caring, as the one described by Dr Stein above….

Dr. Gerald Stein

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I recently received an invitation from a former patient to meet for coffee. This warm-hearted offer came from a man who is as principled and decent as anyone I know. What’s more, he is funny and bright — just the sort of person I’d enjoy having as a friend.

I said no.

Now you might ask, why did I make this decision? This was not the first such request since I retired over two years ago and not the first from a person I thought companionable. I’ve said no to all of them. What I’m about to do is explain how I reasoned this out. I’ll finish with my response to this terrific guy.

First, nothing in the American Psychological Association’s Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct forbids me from having communication with former patients. Nowhere does it say I can’t be friends with them. We are, however…

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