I feel like such a long, long way from this. But my therapist is helping me to take down the letters from the bookshelf. She has my heart – until I can give it back to the stranger who has loved me.
Life in a Bind – BPD and me
My therapy journey, recovering from Borderline Personality Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I write for welldoing.org , for Planet Mindful magazine, and for Muse Magazine Australia, under the name Clara Bridges. Listed in Top Ten Resources for BPD in 2016 by goodtherapy.org.
Life in a Bind - BPD and me
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August 18, 2015 at 11:41 pm
LiaB,
How very beautiful. I found this especially fitting as at my session today, BN and I talked about how far I have come and I realized that I have done the very thing I always dreaded, and allowed someone to see all of me. And instead of what I expected, which was to be abandoned, I found complete security and a home where I could find myself. So the line about smiling in the mirror really struck me. We also talked about shame and how I was so engulfed in it, that I didn’t even realize it. But now I am able to “see” the feeling when it comes up and move through it. All things I have learned from BN, but one more realization today was that I now carry them within me. I used to know it was going to be OK because BN was there, now I just know I’ll be ok. He believed in me long enough for me to learn to believe in myself. I’m saying all this to tell you that I too once believed it would be impossible to get here. But it will happen, you will heal. I am glad that you have someone to carry your heart, until you are strong enough to carry it yourself. Thank you for this, it is a grace note for my day. ~ AG
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August 21, 2015 at 11:00 pm
Thank you so much AG, for your lovely comment, and I’m so glad you liked this and that it was helpful for you. Your words give me hope – because I’m definitely still at the stage where I fear for whether I’m going to be okay without her, and I don’t see how I can be. But’s it’s very encouraging to have your words, and your reassurance that I will get there. At the same time, of course, the thought is devastating – that one day I won’t need her in the way that I do now….thank you for reading and commenting…..
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August 21, 2015 at 1:26 am
That brought up an emotion I didn’t know I had for myself. I can’t explain it very well but it almost felt like pity but at the same time hope that one day that stranger won’t be a stranger to me anymore. Thank you.
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August 21, 2015 at 10:56 pm
I hope so too 🙂
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August 21, 2015 at 1:27 am
Reblogged this on AlistarWolf and commented:
Someday, I hope that the stranger in me will become my friend.
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August 21, 2015 at 10:56 pm
Thank you for the reblog 🙂
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June 3, 2016 at 1:27 pm
Oh wow, I love this! Beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing.
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June 5, 2016 at 8:19 pm
Thank you! 🙂 x
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March 17, 2017 at 11:28 pm
Reblogged this on Life in a Bind – BPD and me and commented:
A wonderful poem by Nobel Laureate, poet and playwright Derek Walcott, who died today. Many, when despairing, have found this helpful. It is the opposite of where I’m at today, but I have to believe that I’ll feel like this one day….
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