Life in a Bind – BPD and me

My therapy journey, recovering from Borderline Personality Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I write for , for Planet Mindful magazine, and for Muse Magazine Australia, under the name Clara Bridges. Listed in Top Ten Resources for BPD in 2016 by

Freud was right about some things



Max Halberstadt [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

You’ve probably heard the joke:

“What is a Freudian slip? It’s when you say one thing, and mean your mother…..”

Well this was my version (paraphrased – my memory’s not that good!) in therapy last week:

Therapist (talking of the upcoming summer break): “Breaks are necessary because otherwise you would have a very tired therapist!”

Me: Silence

Me: More silence (What I’m consciously thinking is, “Therapist, she used the word therapist. That’s what she is, but hearing it feels formal, impersonal, and it hurts“)

Therapist: “Where are you?”

Me: “Ummm….when you said I would have a retired therapist…..OH….”

Therapist: starts laughing (in a lovely, cheeky, warm and kindly sort of way – like this is an ‘in’ joke, which of course it is)

Me: puts head in hands with embarrassment at having ‘fallen for’ the Freudian slip (not that one can avoid a Freudian slip – that’s the point)

Me (protesting mightily – okay, lamely): “But I wasn’t thinking about that, about ‘the end’, at all!”

Therapist: “But your unconscious was…..”

Me: “Oh.”

Therapist: “Freud was right about some things!”

Hmm….. I guess he was.





8 thoughts on “Freud was right about some things

  1. OMG, I would be silent too!!! If I heard retired as opposed to tired, I would be terrified.
    I think that is the one thing that makes me the most terrified right now, not knowing if after all this waiting for my therapist to come back after her sons death, she may decide she can’t do it anymore (help me or others with our issues)!
    I am seeing an other “interim” therapist who is really good and kind and makes me feel cared for but when I said that I don’t think I could “attach” to her, she completely understood.
    You are attached to —- because you have seen each other for so long and have worked on some very hard issues. She cares for you deeply also, so no, I am not surprised that you would not attach to me in the same way.
    I was happy to hear this answer because I thought I might have hurt her feelings.
    Your blog today makes me think of so many times when I have said to my therapist “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar”.
    Love the topic and blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah, it’s never just a cigar πŸ˜‰ But I’m so glad you received an answer that was validating and reassuring, she does sound like a wonderful therapist but it’s completely understandable that your primary emotional connection is with your other therapist who you have a much longer relationship with and hope to go back to….
    And about the Freudian slip, I think I realised I wasn’t particularly clear in my post! I didn’t hear ‘retired’ – I heard ‘tired’ and was fully conscious of hearing it, and focusing in on the word ‘therapist’ rather than tired. However, the Freudian slip showed, I think, the extent to which my subconscious was preoccupied with other kinds of loss, and not just the upcoming break. Therapy breaks always tend to make me dwell on the future ‘end’ (which will almost inevitably come down to her retirement, unless we ‘finish’ before that; and although I really really don’t want things to end ‘prematurely’ at the same time I would really like our relationship to go all the way through to when she retires – that somehow I will ‘see things through’ with her, and she with me, as it were….). So although consciously I hadn’t been thinking about ‘final endings’ at that point, and it certainly wasn’t the obvious focus for me, in what she said, my Freudian slip still revealed my subconscious preoccupation, in a rather neat way!
    Glad you’re still liking the blog – I am really grateful for readers who stick with it (I’m always worried about boring you after a while!) , mainly because particularly with those who comment, it feels like getting to know you better, and building up a connection, and that’s lovely x


  3. Pingback: A new experience of mother, Part 3 | Life in a Bind - BPD and me

  4. Funnily enough, I’ve just drafted an article myself with a bit of this in it – I’ve kept my blog secret from my T and I said “when I wrote on my blog…. I mean diary..” aghhh!!

    Liked by 1 person

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