Life in a Bind – BPD and me

Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and my therapy journey. Listed in Top Ten Resources for BPD in 2016 by goodtherapy.org. I write for welldoing.org and for Muse Magazine Australia, under the name Clara Bridges.

9 thoughts on “Memory Monday – “Sometimes, this is what therapy feels like, after”

  1. What if you went in and said something like what you wrote: “The last third of the break has been nowhere near as positive as the first two-thirds. I have felt nowhere near as connected to [you] as I did before. Negative, defensive and resistant thoughts have been much more common. ” And you can just see where you go from there.

    I get the nervousness, after such a long break. There are also so many emotions coming up for you, and no way is one session enough time to deal with it all. But if the session could start to re-establish a good connection, maybe that would be the best outcome.

    I hope it’s a good reunion and helpful session. I’ll be thinking of you and look for your update afterward.

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    • Thank you so much for this Q, and so sorry it’s taken me an age to reply! I really appreciated your support and it was incredibly good advice. The pace has been slower since we restarted in September – we are consolidating all the work we did pre-break, and I’m also getting used to a change in schedule of sessions (different days of the week), as well as trying to cope with greater than usual levels of work stress……I’ve been enjoying keeping up with your posts, despite not having had much of a chance to comment ๐Ÿ™‚

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  2. I also find the first session after a break troublesome. I don’t know why that is really. This just happened for me last week, and I did not have a good feeling session. Maybe it’s good to try and explore feelings about the break – I was cut off from those feelings so did not do that, but instead plunged into my issues. Maybe that’s the source of the trouble. The feelings of being left, mixed up with wanting to see this person again and re-connect, and relief that they’re still alive ๐Ÿ™‚ – maybe all that could have been explored.

    Well, all the best for your session tomorrow.

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    • Thank you, it was lovely to know you and others were thinking of me ๐Ÿ™‚ I always find it really hard to know what to talk about when resuming after a break -often, whatever I start with, I end up feeling bad about the stuff I didn’t cover. Having said that, I think whether it’s in the first session back or very soon after, there’s a huge amount to be gained from talking through the feelings that came up during the break, about the break….but it is definitely really hard when you don’t feel connected to those feelings. Thank you for your comment and so sorry for the delay!

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  3. I think all that you are feeling is natural… I also think it’s also inevitable to have ruptures with our T after a break. 45 days is a LONG time. Be gentle with yourself, and as hard as it is try to enter into it with no expectations. I’ll be thinking of you

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  4. Pingback: Therapy break – Day 23 to Day 46 | Life in a Bind - BPD and me

  5. “… her โ€˜failure to follow the scriptโ€™ leads to yet another disappointment and a feeling of being misunderstood.” This is quite enlightening. I’d thought I’d heard everything about the patient’s process in anticipation of sessions. You have enlightened me. Thank you. I’d say good luck in your session, but you’ve now had the meeting so I hope it went well.

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    • Wow – thank you! Praise indeed ๐Ÿ™‚ It feels great to have been able to enlighten you ๐Ÿ˜‰ The script thing has been something I do before therapy (and other situations) for quite some time, though I think it’s happening much less now. Its reduction is also tied in with me now never taking a ‘list’ with me to therapy, and trusting much more in what comes up and in the fact that I will cover everything I need to cover, in due course….

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