Life in a Bind – BPD and me

Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and my therapy journey. Listed in Top Ten Resources for BPD in 2016 by goodtherapy.org. I write for welldoing.org and for Muse Magazine Australia, under the name Clara Bridges.

About me

Hello!

Thank you so much for visiting my blog. I hope you like what you find here  – even more importantly, I hope that it’s helpful to you and provides a sense of understanding and support. Reading others’ blogs on mental health issues has been hugely helpful for me in gaining more insight into my difficulties, and in gaining support, understanding, and a sense of community with others who are going through similar experiences. I hope, therefore, that this blog will, in a small way, serve a similar sort of function for others who are struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder or other mental health difficulties, or for those who are supporting them.

As for me, I am a wife and a working mum, and I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder a couple of years ago. I also have a history of Panic Disorder. I have been in therapy of various kinds on and off for a few years, and the process has helped me to understand that despite a relatively symptom free six years, much of my life, since my mid to late teens, has been a cycle of ups and down, depression, anxiety, panic disorder, turbulent periods, impulsive behaviour and intense relationships. The period in which I would say I was in ‘BPD remission’, came to an end with the massive life change of the birth of my first child, which launched me back into all the symptoms I had been familiar with for many years before. I am hoping that being therapy will enable me to slowly move towards ‘remission’ once again, and that I will have learnt enough through that process, to prevent a similar return to BPD symptoms the next time I encounter a major life event.

Learning more about BPD and reading about others’ experiences has finally made sense of so many things and so many events, thoughts and feelings in my own life. I am now trying to accept and very slowly move forward with the task of finding out who I am and putting together a ‘new person’, piece by painful piece. Not someone who is a collection of other people’s expectations, hopes, values and interests, but someone who can be a  ‘beautiful contradiction’ and who does not need to feel part of the fabric of another’s existence, in order to feel happy and secure. Sometimes it seems impossible, and sometimes I feel hopeful. I hope this blog will chart both the highs and the lows, and thank you again for looking in on my journey. xxx

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39 thoughts on “About me

  1. Pingback: Blog for Mental Health 2014 | Life In a Bind

  2. Thanks for visiting my blog.

    Like

    • Thanks for popping over and saying ‘thanks’! 🙂 You referred to your blog as ‘eclectic’, I think, in a comment on another blogger’s site, and I had to go over have a look 🙂 .I’m enjoying looking through yours, and the few poems I read are beautiful, and a couple of lines in particular struck me. I will enjoy continuing to explore!

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      • Going to explore yours hopefully tomorrow– have a migraine now. Appreciate your visit and comments lots! On Jun 8, 2014 6:21 PM, “Life in a Bind – BPD and me” wrote:

        > Life in a Bind – BPD and me commented: “Thanks for popping over and > saying ‘thanks’! 🙂 You referred to your blog as ‘eclectic’, I think, in a > comment on another blogger’s site, and I had to go over have a look 🙂 .I’m > enjoying looking through yours, and the few poems I read are beautiful, and > “

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      • Hope you’re feeling better, and thank you so much for taking a look around! 🙂

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  3. Hey LIAB,

    I’ve named you on a chain post/award that I’ve been included in. Have a look and pay it forward:

    http://thebipolarbum.com/2014/06/10/very-inspiring-blogger-award/

    All the best,
    H&J

    Like

  4. Hi there. I haven’t really commented much on your blog yet, I’m a pretty new follower, but as someone who was diagnosed with BPD when I was 16, and am trying to figure out if it was a misdiagnosis or not, I love everything you post. It makes me feel less alone. I think you’re doing great things.
    Therefore, I have awarded you the “Most Influential Blogger” Award! Check it out here: http://nonsenseshenanigans.com/2014/06/26/most-influential-blogger-award/

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    • Hi Tempest Rose,
      Thank you so much for following, and for the kind words and wonderful comment, which I really appreciate. I’m glad you like my posts – I love writing them! I dare to hope they might make a difference to at least a small handful of people, and it’s nice to know when that is the case 🙂 Helping people feel less alone is part of what drives me, as that’s exactly what a number of bloggers have done for me. I feel humbled and privileged that you nominated me for this award – I can’t quite believe it as it’s the second nomination for a blogging award in the space of a couple of weeks! As you can see, I haven’t managed to do anything about either of them yet (other than give my very grateful thanks!) and in fact am wondering about writing a post on blog awards. I have some thoughts/ideas but nothing concrete yet, and I’ve been away for the weekend and not had a chance to write. But I really do want to sincerely thank you for thinking of me and for your comments, which mean a very great deal to me. Recognition of this sort, by one’s ‘peers’ as it were, is humbling and motivational, and it does mean a lot to me to be nominated, so thank you again!

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  5. I love your blog. I was “spared” the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, which was no favor at all, actually. Most of my behaviors are blamed on my BP, because I never got the offical DX of BPD. Thank you for looking at my blog and I’m glad to have found yours.

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    • Thank you SO much for visiting, and for your comment about my blog 🙂 I really enjoyed reading some of your blog, and will visit again soon! I am still confused about the apparent overlap between BPD and Bipolar, and I can see so much in the blogs of those with Bipolar that I can relate to, and equally some with Bipolar have found helpful material in my own blog. I am trying to make my way through the convoluted and badly resourced mental health system to see a psychiatrist about a possible mood disorder diagnosis, as although I do not doubt my BPD diagnosis, I do often feel that there may be something else going on as well. There are some things that it is just quite difficult to explain with BPD alone, and I can see definite ‘mid to longer-term mood variations’ in addition to the daily fluctuations which I might attribute to BPD…..I can understand the frustration of having things ‘wrongly attributed’ in terms of behaviours, and for me personally, being able to ‘put a name’ to symptoms, and accurately describe them, is important. I know this isn’t the case for everyone, and I’m not advocating ‘labels’, but for me, an ‘unnamed’ enemy is difficult to fight…..good to meet you, again, and keep in touch!

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  6. I am very glad to have found your blog. I suffer from BPD as well and am finally starting therapy to get control of my life and symptoms. I haven’t got to look around much, but I am looking forward to it when it’s not 3am. lol. Just finding someone else who has the same diagnosis and is sharing there story makes me feel a lot less alone. 🙂

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    • Thank you – I’m so glad my blog is helping you to feel less alone 🙂 I felt exactly the same way when I started reading the blogs of others with BPD. I really hope therapy works well for you, and helps you to deal with your symptoms – what kind of therapy have you started? I know what you mean about spending time on WordPress at 3am – I do it too often! Take care 🙂

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      • I just started DBT therapy. It’s been recommended to me by many of the doctors I’ve encountered over the years and when I met the therapist, she believes that I’ll do really well with it. I’ve also been taking medications for many years to help control symptoms. I’m really excited to start therapy and really nervous.

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      • I really hope it’s going well! I know the excited/nervous combination, and I hope the nerves are starting to ease, but the excitement is continuing. It’s great that the therapist was really encouraging 🙂 Wishing you all the very best for it!

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  7. Thank you for visiting my blog I have taken some time to have a look around yours and I have to say it is truly inspirational.

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    • Thank you so much for your kind words, which I really appreciate 🙂 I enjoyed looking around your blog too, and am looking forward to reading more! I’m glad you decided to share more of yourself through your writing and your poetry – I know exactly what you mean about having kept it all hidden through fear of rejection….Take care!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Your writing is simply beautiful. I haven’t had a chance to really browse through it, but I just wanted to say that I love everything I’ve read so far.

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  9. Thank you so much for visiting my blog and liking one of the posts.

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  10. Hi there and I hope life is treating you okay.
    I’m dropping by to tell you that I’m nominating you for A lovely blog award. The details will be on my blog, hopefully sometime tomorrow. I don’t know how you feel about awards, but if you prefer not to take part that is fine.
    Why not check out my blog tomorrow and see what you think.
    I continue to find your blog very inspirational and very informative. I didn’t really know anything about BPD. You’re educating me…thanks for that.

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    • Hiya, thank you so much for getting in touch and for nominating me for an award! I’m so sorry it’s taken me a few days to reply – work has been completely insanely busy, and unfortunately looks to get worse, so I’m a bit worried, but that’s for another day……which also explains why I’ve been a bit quieter in terms of likes/comments etc, even though I do often visit and read your excellent and often amusing posts 🙂 Somehow reading your writing makes me feel grounded and part of ‘real life’ – I think I spend so much time inside my head, it’s a joy to read about what’s going on both in and outside yours!
      Thank you so so much for your kind words, which I really do treasure. Informing is part of what I was hoping to do – if it’s also inspirational, that’s amazing, so thank you 🙂 My feelings on blog awards are conflicted and complicated – see https://lifeinabind.com/2014/07/11/blog-awards-a-few-thoughts-probably-neither-inspiring-nor-influential/ and https://lifeinabind.com/2014/07/11/blog-awards-postscript-running-for-cover/ ! I’ve ended up in a position where I’m trying to assuage both my conscience and my narcissistic streak by finding some of legal loophole position in which I acknowledge nominations but technically don’t fully accept them (because of all the ‘rules’ that go with them!). The concept of awards coming with ‘rules attached’ bothers me a bit, and I feel bad about accepting something and then not following its rules! I intend to set up a page for ‘blog award nominations’, but haven’t had time to do that yet! However, the bottom line is that I’m hugely grateful to be nominated, and love being nominated – I take it as a huge compliment and more than the nomination itself, the words of those who nominate me, like yours, are, in many ways, what mean the most. So thank you again, and thank you for commenting, and for your own writing. Take care xx

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  11. Thanks for visiting my blog and liking my post. Please know that I will be following your blog and best of luck with your journey.

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  12. I know very littler about Borderline. Looking forward to learning from you! Be well! -LB

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    • Ahem *little. (Typos haunt my dreams…)

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    • Thank you! 🙂 I enjoyed visiting your blog and I look forward to looking around and reading more. Keep in touch – I’d be interested in knowing your thoughts as you discover more about BPD, as one of the things that has struck me is the apparent overlap in a lot of symptoms between BPD and Bipolar, particularly Bipolar II. I’ve always wanted to understand more about it, and what the key differences are, and it would be interesting to know whether you relate to some of what you read here! Take care, and thank you again for commenting!

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  13. In case you missed it, I nominated you for the Creative Blogger Award! 🙂
    I find the way you share your thoughts and experiences so creatively to be inspiring! x
    https://borderlinefunctional.wordpress.com/2015/04/02/rewarding-awarding/
    Aimee xx

    Like

    • Thank you SO much Aimee – I have just replied on your post. Your kind words mean an awful lot – even more than the award, which I’m still really humbled to received….. I wrote about my views on blog awards a while back : https://lifeinabind.com/2014/07/11/blog-awards-a-few-thoughts-probably-neither-inspiring-nor-influential/ and https://lifeinabind.com/2014/07/11/blog-awards-postscript-running-for-cover/ . I hope you don’t mind if I don’t ‘follow the rules’ as it were. One of the things on my long blog-related to-do list, is to create a separate page listing the awards I have been nominated for and who by, and linking to these posts. I hope this is a sort of compromise solution for the fact that I’m so grateful to receive the nominations and more than that to have the support and connection with the people who nominated me – but at the same time I have the reservations described in my posts……many thanks again, and so much for your support on here x

      Liked by 1 person

      • I don’t mind at all! ❤
        I myself changed the 'rules' a little which stipulated that a certain number of blogs had to be nominated. I didn't like the idea that I should have to nominate anyone other than those who truly stood out to me. I also agree with your points about the chain letter effect of nominations and appreciate your honesty and admire that you speak your mind and process/respond to awards in the way that suits you the most! 😀
        I am very happy to have just nominated and recognised your blog and hope that some of the people who read mine will be able to appreciate and identify with your blog! 🙂
        xxx

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      • Thank you so much for understanding 🙂 I am TRULY humbled to be amongst the group who stood out for you, thank you xx

        Liked by 1 person

  14. I’ve recently been diagnosed as having BPD to go alongside my depression. Reading your posts helps me to understand none of us are alone. There is some hope out there but life isn’t easy for us. Good luck in your life, I’ll be following the blog to see how you get along.

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    • Hello – thank you so much for following and for your comment, and it’s ‘good to meet you’ 🙂 Apologies for the delay – I have been away for a few weeks, with minimal internet access. Do keep in touch – getting a diagnosis happens differently and means different things depending on the person. It may be a relief to know, it may be a shock, it may be upsetting….I hope you are finding it helpful finding out more about the diagnosis, and I’m really glad my posts help you to feel less alone – the same was true of me reading others’ posts, when I was diagnosed. Things are far from easy, but there is definitely hope – although my ability to see it is very variable! Take care, and keep in touch…

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  15. Hi! I found your blog when doing a google search on blogging about therapy… I also blog about my therapy sessions .. been in therapy 8 years with the same therapist and I write about my healing journey.. it’s nice to know others do as well and write about their healing and journey … I hope to take some time today and read more about your journey 🙂

    You have a lovely blog … thank you for sharing your journey through your writing ….

    Karen

    FINDING THE GRACE WITHIN
    http://www.findingthegracewithin.com

    Like

    • Thank you so much for reading, and I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog! I really enjoy reading about others’ therapy experiences as well, and find it incredibly valuable. It’s also nice to know others are experiencing very similar feelings, particularly when therapy is very tough and I start to despair I have no idea what I’m doing! Thank you for pointing me to your blog – I am looking forward to reading about your journey too 🙂 Take care!

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  16. Ohh my god. What you are saying is exactly how i feel. I tell myself same that i am learning something from this and just like you I found it the best high i have ever gotten. It gives me strength to do almost anything yet it takes away everything I have. But that one moment of pleasure still keeps me going. The dream, the fantasies and the high of something exciting makes me so happy in otherwise boring life of mine. Although it is excruciating painful and i waste lot of my time and I am being terribly self-centered. The end point is same..i don’t know what I am doing..but let the games begins….i am sure everything will fall into place including me and you.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Thanks for sharing. I’ve just found your blog and relate to so much of it. It’s a relief!! I felt so alone with it .

    Liked by 1 person

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