*TRIGGER WARNING – SELF HARM*
[Note: the picture on which the poem is superimposed is of red paint. The image was obtained from Morguefile at http://www.morguefile.com/archive/display/910529 . Although the image is meant to represent the subject matter of the poem, it is intended neither to offend nor to ‘promote’ self-harm.]
I wrote this poem a few months ago, possibly during a therapy break, although I cannot remember the exact circumstances. I remember thinking it was unfinished – but then when I came back to it a few weeks ago, it felt as though it was complete as it was. Trying to ‘tidy it up’ or add a more ‘positive’ ending felt like a denial, an attempt to ‘tidy up’ something that is anything but tidy. This is how it feels to me, when I want to self-harm – not the sum-total of how it feels; and not how it feels every single time. But it captures some key elements of most of my urges to hurt myself. I wrote it ‘in the moment’ – it’s un-tampered-with emotion.
And so I think it’s important to present it as it is.